Midnight Rant

Here is the exact copy/paste of a blog post my sister in law showed me:

The blog is titled "Army Wife, Army Life" and the post is titled "Stirring the Pot..."

I want to preface this entire post by saying that this is my blog. I feel that that gives me the right to express my opinion on whatever matters I see fit, if you don't agree with something that I'm saying, they make a couple handy little buttons. One is a red 'x' in the upper right hand corner, feel free to click it, it won't hurt my feelings. That being said...

Living in Vermont, there isn't a very strong Active Duty Military presence. 90% of the military influence around here comes from the Vermont National Guard. Oftentimes when I explain that my husband is in the Army, people automatically assume he is in the Guard. It's an easy assumption. We don't have an Army base here, we have Camp Johnson, a National Guard base. The Guard ACUs are almost exactly the same as AD Army, and many civilians (and myself) don't understand a lot of the differences in company patches. The Hubs was still assigned here, and we are still going to be sent away from here. If he hadn't been here, I wouldn't have met him. As a recruiter, he is still Active Duty. This is where my rant (of sorts) begins.

The Vermont National Guard is just that, they are State Militia. The Hubs is a federal soldier. The National Guard spouses around here like to refer to themselves as 'Army Wives'. They aren't. I respect their significant others for the things that they do, but they are not, by any stretch of the imagination, soldiers. That being said, the Hubs is not a Marine, he is not a Sailor, he is not an Airman. He is a Soldier. A dog is not a cat, it'll never meow.

When you try to explain this to a Guard spouse, they get defensive, and often times throw a huge fit.

My husband is a soldier, he got deployed, just like yours!

I agree, your husband got deployed just like mine, but when he came home, he got to go back to a normal civilian life. When my husband got home, he still had to put on his ACUs and go to work, as a soldier.

I agree, your husband got deployed, just like mine, but when he came home, he knew he wouldn't get deployed again for at least another four years, in which time he probably wouldn't have re-upped his contract. When my husband got home, he knew he could turn around and get deployed again. Period.

My husband is a soldier, he has to go to drill!

Yup. One weekend a month, two weeks a year.

My husband is a soldier, he has PTSD!

I'm so proud to say that the Hubs has been through 2 deployments, and his mind is as solid as a rock. What Guard spouses seem to not realize, is that A LOT of other people, who have nothing to do with the military, have PTSD. It's a horrible, horrible thing to deal with, and I would never wish it on anybody, but just because he has PTSD, doesn't automatically file him in the 'soldier' category.


I can argue your points all day if you want.


I guess what I'm trying to get at here, is that I would really like people to stop jumping down my throat when I tell them that they are not an Army Wife. I'm not trying to imply that you're any less of a person. I'm not trying to imply that your husband is any less of a man. I applaud him for what he did, if he got deployed, and I respect him for that. I applaud him for the time that he does give up, on his one weekend a month, two weeks a year. I applaud him for going through BT and AIT. He is a member of the Guard, 100%, there is no denying it. He is not a soldier, you are not an Army wife. It's nothing to be ashamed of.

I'm just trying to point out the blatant differences between a Vermont Guard member, and a United States Soldier.

The second part of my rant is this.

As I said before, Vermont Guard is a State Militia... that still comes with responsibility, in uniform and out. As soon as he opens his mouth about being a part of ANY type of military presence, or dons his uniform, he has to realize that. That's part of what they bash into their heads at BT.

Part of YOUR job as a spouse, is to be a direct reflection of him. That means getting your facts straight, and getting educated.

- Respect OPSEC and PERSEC when your husband is deployed. I see none of this when a Vermont Guard wife has a deployed husband.

- Respect the higher ranks. When I met my husband's 1SG, I made sure to put my best foot forward. I put on a nice outfit, did my hair, and put makeup on my face. Used manners; ma'am, sir, please, and thank you. I sat quietly and spoke only when addressed. If I had a question, I waited for a break in the conversation, and said 'Excuse me.' It's simple really. I see none of this when Vermont Guard spouses get together for an event with their spouses.

- Respect your husband when he's in uniform. Just because my husband and I aren't on post when he's in his uniform, I keep the 'handling' to a minimum. Technically, you aren't even supposed to hold hands with him when he's in uniform. I keep a hand on the Hub's elbow, or not at all. I don't sit on his lap, I don't make out with him, we hardly kiss for that matter. I see none of this when Vermont Guard spouses are together.

- Respect the uniform itself. Don't put it on and take sexy pictures with it, with boobs/butt falling out all over the place. That's just trashy. A fun picture with his cover on is one thing, flaunting your assests is another.

It burns my biscuits when these spouses, who so loudly (and rudely) insist that they are 'Army wives' can't even handle these simple types of things, that go along with being an actual Army wife. You're just making yourself and your spouse look bad.

I just want to re-state, that I'm not posting this to be disrespectful. My Uncle served in the NH National Guard, and did a tour in Iraq. I'm so proud of him for it! He wore the uniform well, and with pride. He isn't any less of a person because he wasn't active duty for the 4 years that he served. Be proud of your spouses for what they do, no matter if they are a soldier, member of the Guard, lawyer, doctor, or burger flipper at McDonald's. Spend less time trying to make yourself into something that you're not, and more time respecting others for what they are. You'll be a lot happier for it, I promise. 

And here is my response:

First and foremost, there are so many factual errors about the Guard and Army in the post that I almost want to just dismiss it.

Next, this is a matter of pride. For some reason, you can't understand that there isn't a limited amount of pride out there. You can be proud of your husband and his service without trying to take it away from others. Those ladies are just a proud of their husbands as you are and they DESERVE it as much as you do. You do not need to take away a ridiculous title of "army wife" to have it mean more when you parade it.

Why does it matter what they call themselves? Why does it matter if people understand what your husband's "real" job and title are? It all comes down to pride. Let it go. You have a baby on the way. The world has never revolved around you, and once that child comes, the world is going to keep you awake at night, puke down your back, and SCREAM its mad little head off at your husband's next pinning ceremony.

I think it's incredibly rude that you would suggest that after one deployment, Guardsmen don't re-up so they don't have to re-deploy. If that's how you feel, then OK, but you have nothing to support it and it's a terrible assumption to throw out there. In fact, it's slander.

I haven't mentioned it yet, but I am a NAVY WIFE and my husband is currently deployed. I have a question: A few years ago, we lived in an extremely rural area. My husband went to work in civilian clothes and worked a job that was basically a civilian job. He was home every night and there was no chance of him deploying. He drilled only a few days a month. During this time period, was I not a NAVY WIFE?

I think it's disgusting how you say Guard wives are slovenly, etc. You are DEAD wrong. There is no correlation between spouse behavior and branch of service. I can tell you there is a HUGE correlation between spouse behavior and level of education and time in the military.

My husband has been in for ten years and we have gone through deployments with Navy wives, Army wives, Marine wives, SEAL wives, SpecOp Wives, Air Force wives, Coast Guard wives, civilian contractor wives. I can tell you that not a single group stood out as worse than another. It was the new, young, uneducated wives who behaved as you described and they were few and far between.

It is nobody's job to be a direct reflection of their spouse. Some husbands like it that way...that is between them and their marriage vows. My husband loves me as is. I do things that would absolutely not be OK if I was in the military, and he loves me as is. He comes home after an 18 hour work day to a normal household where he can relax and forget that he's in the military for a tiny bit.

It is absolutely up to the service member to respect his uniform rules. If his lady is being lovey dovey, he is the one who needs to let her know. She did not go to BT. She does not know the rules. Shame on the husband for not respecting the uniform rules enough to gently let his wife know what is and isn't allowed. If he likes having a tongue in his mouth while in uniform, it's none of your business. It's up to his command to deal with him. It has ABSOLUTELY nothing to do with you. Furthermore, I will do whatever I want IN my husband's uniform if it makes him and me happy. There is nothing wrong with that...again, it's none of your business.

So why are you holding these "Not Army Wives" to Army Wife standards? If you think that moving someplace closer to post when your husband gets restationed will make things better, girl, you and your husband have a lot to learn. Closer to post means more very young enlisted families who will behave worse than you have seen yet.

We have gone to many, many events with people in my husband's chain of command who are MUCH higher than a 1SG. I can tell you that sitting quietly and being "demure" is incredibly boring and not at all what is expected or warranted. Your husband's command wants to see that he has an enigmatic wife next to him who is strong enough to hold her own when he's gone. There is nothing worse than having one of your men with issues back home during deployment. Wives are the backbone of the military. You hear it over and over again. Why would you want wives to sit at functions and act like they have no backbone?

When that babe comes, you are going to want all the help you can get. You could've been building up a GREAT net of women but you have been turning them away instead. Like you said, most of the wives there are Guard wives and you have just made yourself into a lonely little island.

Much of your post WAS incredibly disrespectful. It is up to us wives to stick together and to help hold each other up. If you want to be proudly called an Army Wife then it's time to stop tearing others down. A true Army Wife would ask that Guard wife how her husband's PTSD treatment was going or if she needed any help getting ready for the next deployment. By telling them they are not Army Wives you put an extremely bitter taste in their mouth for ALL active duty wives. You have done us a GREAT disservice. I know you have been an Army Wife for less than a year...hopefully a few more years will help you stop being so nosy and selfish. Or, at the very least, hopefully time will teach you how to keep those thoughts to yourself or learn how to convey them in a respectful manner.