I'm watching "Extreme Makeover Home Edition". The family they are helping is the Gibbs family. The husband and wife had 6 children and then the husband passed away suddenly from cancer with all of the kids under the age of 10. The kids are now mostly grown and the youngest have few memories of their father.
This episode has really shaken me to the core. I've ALWAYS struggled with this insecurity that everything and everyone I love will leave me before I'm ready. I think that being married to a submariner who deploys constantly has helped me build up a callous around this fear, but this show truly highlighted it. I so want a huge family with the man of my dreams. I found him. What happens if we get the huge family and something happens to him? How will I cope emotionally, financially, and mentally? I 100% know that I have to have faith and not let this fear cripple me or scare me out of what we want as a family, but it's terrifying and will probably always be in the back of my mind. I'm not sure how to cope with this insecurity other than to stuff it down. Is this a fear that anyone really ever completely comes to terms with?
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