1. ALWAYS keep extra toilet paper near the toilet. The dogs do not understand how to be helpful when you chuck the empty roll across the room angrily.
2. Take down any and all garments of clothing that hang more than 2 feet off of the ground, unless they are in your closet. This will save you from screaming bloody murder when you think the coat rack is an intruder.
3. Don't bake a whole turkey. It doesn't matter if you found the smallest one at the store....it's still too big for you to eat. Second related lesson: moldy turkey is nasty. Third related lesson: turkey molds ridiculously quickly.
4. When people stop by unexpectedly, you cannot blame your messy house on anyone. Psshh.
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