So I was tempted to pen a snarky blog about the amazing hipster dinner I made last night and leave it at that, but Google is pissing me off royally by not loading my photos, and honestly, it's not Google's fault.
The fact of the matter is that I'm upset today and looking for someone (something) to take it out on.
Here's why I'm upset.
This is what I woke up to:
ONE GUNMAN IS DEAD and police say there may be two others at large in the shooting of at least 10 people — including 'multiple victims that are deceased'— at Washington Navy Yard at a building housing the Naval Sea Systems Command Headquarters, above. The AP is reporting six fatalities, but there are conflicting reports on the number of victims, and the number of gunmen. -FOX NEWS
Yes, people are murdered, gunned down, every day. Probably every minute. But I just sent my husband off to work after saying some not-so-nice things to him in a not-so-nice tone of voice. I sent him off to work to the Navy Shipyards here on the West Coast.
You might say, "Andria! Washington State is not Washington DC. Be happy! He's fine!" And I say to you this:
"Every morning I see him off to work. Every morning, I tell him that I love him and silently hope he'll be home sooner than later. I never, ever entertain the thought that he might not come home. I never consider the fact that perhaps one of his own colleagues might somehow bring a gun into an area with relatively high security measures to gun down fellow sailors. And now? How can I ever send him out the door without thinking about that? My small sense of ignorant happiness is pretty much gone. I can't help but sit here, stunned, and think that he's probably safer underway than walking around his offices on land. I can't help but add "gunman" to the list of things I have to be afraid of for him.
I'm afraid of a lot of things. Maybe I'm not afraid of more things than the average person, just different things than the average person.
Speaking in public? No problem.
Needles? Bring it on.
Driving in pouring rain during rush hour in downtown Seattle? Turn up the radio!
Flying? Love it!
Heights? Please, let's go up on the roof!
However, I'm terrified of Halloween decorations, the thought of a tsunami washing over my house, wet things touching my skin, clowns, car accidents, dirty velcro (seriously), not having steak in the freezer or fridge, getting a paper cut on my eyeball, and most of all, losing my loved ones.
The things I just listed? I'm not scared of them. I'm TERRIFIED of them. They occupy my thoughts and my dreams. They make my palms sweat. I cried walking into Goodwill last year when a goblin thing was motion-activated and had glowing eyes and started moving. I yelp in pain if I step on a wet towel left on the floor. I flinch every time I take a bill out of an envelope. I'm subscribed to NOAA alerts that let me know every time there's an earthquake and if a tsunami might happen as a result.
I cope by breathing, hugging my dogs or my baby, and by stress eating. (Again, not a joke.) I also cope by pretending none of those things exist or can ever happen to me. Yes, I get by because I have the "teenage-not-ever-gonna-happen-to-me-so-what?!" attitude.
Things that make me realize that my fears actually COULD happen to me really shake me and mess up my day.
The point of this whole weird, downer blog isn't to make you depressed or want to not be my friend anymore because I live on Planet Weirdo. I just want you to hug your loved ones, never take for granted that they'll come home, and for heaven's sake, stop posting horrid news stories on your Facebook!
I'm off to eat my second and third breakfasts of the day while simultaneously hugging my dogs and baby.
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